my gf is the only thing keeping me going tbh

i would like to go back in time and slap 12 year old me for wishing to become 18. i’d go back and enjoy being care free for a little, to feel not so angry anymore. 

i have so much hatred in my heart that it is consuming my energy. i hate being an adult, i hate the fact i have to live with my dad and my grandpa, i hate the fact that right now there’s no one around me who makes me feel like home. i hate that everyone i love and cares for me is either a train ride away or a continent, an ocean and 7 long hours away.

i want to cry and i wish my words could be heard. i can’t have anything different and it’s hard to accept this present. i would very much like to be forever cuddled up with my love and let that be all that life has to be.