tales of december.

Have you ever had this feeling? of just letting go? 

It's kind of an idea I'm afraid of coming to a conclusion. I want to go, but I also want to stay at the same time. I'm in between.

I was standing outside my house just staring at the road and thinking "what if I jump really fast when a car goes by? Will it be enough to just let go?" and I couldn't let myself go back home, I wanted to try. I had to. But, you know, there's something holding me back.

Something worth hurting and crying while you wait. Maybe this life is worth living for someone else.

[ ... ] 

Sometimes when I think of the ocean, I suddenly feel happy. Not because of some beautiful memories I made with my family, cause I have none. But because it makes me feel at peace with myself. Like if all my problems just went away.

When I think of the ocean I think about my suicide. And maybe that's why I don't go to the beach that much. But I can't deny, the waves just make me wanna go by. (The ocean just makes me wanna die). 

I think it's worth a try. To just stand between the knife and the deep blue sea. To let go of it all. To be so close to death and who knows, to feel the very end.